Youre going to slide around, you know, youre going to deserve your life a little more some days than others. Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. So, God is generous was my dads way of promising us a better future. To learn more about Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies Ive Loved) by Kate Bowler, click here. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Mahra:Ive been singing these lines from a song by the Avett Brothers to my kids for years, and it goes like this. I dont have the genetic predisposition. She reflects on her love and loss through ordinary moments and everyday sayings. Its what I said to my grad school colleague when she asked me if I planned to go into academia after we graduated. They reel and wander and fixate and roll back and reconsider, because its like this, having a mind. In fact Im in the middle of reading both of your books right now. Kelly Corrigan:So, I had to wait, and then finally we had a window, and I said, I was wrong. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah, and theres forgiveness and acceptance kind of intertwined there that you know, youre going to forget. Enjoy an intimate and heartfelt interview series hosted by author Kelly Corrigan. Theres meatless Mondays, and theres a kombucha bar, and theres nap pods. Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. A former newspaper columnist and four time bestselling . You are everywhere they are., Kelly Corrigan:I really believe that, even though Im skeptical, and Im mad at people who say, Her spirits still here, and stuff. Perhaps weve got to choose which we want to continue and which we want to challenge. Kelly reads everything from eulogies to retirement speeches and on February 19th, she . Writer Kelly Corrigan urges 2021 grads to choose curiosity over judgment Writer Kelly Corrigan is a bestselling memoirist. Kate Bowler:Those ordinary consonants and vowels that, when strung together, offer meaning and points of entry for others. Your email address will not be published. On days when I feel overwhelmed, I tell myself all I need to do is maintain the faith and exit with grace. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Kelly Corrigan:And he said, Thats a way to be a parent, which is to say to be there, to be available, to be within view, but not necessarily inserting yourself, because even though as your kids get older and older, it feels like theyre looking for you less and less, it is sort of a comfort to glance over, and see you there, and feel you there, and they would most certainly notice if you werent. Our guest is Kelly Corrigan, a best-selling author and host of PBS talk show Tell Me More and podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders. Gratefully, Kelly Corrigan:Im telling you what, man, you can not believe how much I use this, and you can not believe how still it is not my natural instinct. Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. I mean, maybe I was projecting, maybe whatever he said in that moment, maybe if he had said peanut butter, and jelly, wed be talking about peanut butter and jelly, but it totally resonated for me in the way that a song lyric does where youre like, I dont know what that means exactly, but Im going to write that down, and put it in my wallet, and its interesting. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Just see who you can bump into out there. Go get mixed up in something. I mean, that was my big experience of your book. Thats where relationship lives is in these tiny moments, and whether you are cognizant of that and tuned into that channel all the time, or not, that is the story of a relationship. Each episode ends with a special Plus One segment, in which guests are invited to thank those that have supported them along their journey. The reach of language can be laughable.. Inspiring and thought-provoking interviews conducted by bestselling author Kelly Corrigan. Corrigan and her guests dig into such questions as "Is knowing more always . Warmly, Kelly Corrigan:Like, Oh, well we still have sex, so were definitely not going to get a divorce, or you know, Oh my husband doesnt travel, so then were definitely not gonna get a divorce, or you know, I never smoked cigarettes, so Im definitely not going to get breast cancer. Kelly Corrigan:I sat at my dining room table, which is place I never write, and I thought, Oh my God, of course I know exactly what this is. Hosted by Tom Scharpling and featuring celebrity guests, music, callers, and plenty of surprises, The Best Show streams live every Tuesday night on Twitch at 6pm PT and is available on your podcast apps the next day. He was saddled with depression and anxiety, which led to his trying to make himself feel better and reduce the noise in his head. This beautiful eulogy helps to paint the full picture of Ryland: a unique combination of funny, stubborn, difficult and smart. Please note that this episode references addiction and suicide. Kelly Corrigan:Theyre never going to not do that, and thats how theyre going to raise their kids, and that means shes still here. Michael Lewis on What Makes Some People Irreplaceable. This is me writing a letter to Liz, and I wrote the whole thing, and I cried my eyes out the whole time I was writing it, and wiping my nose, and blowing my nose, and sitting back down, and Edwards like, You all right? And Im like, Im all right. Kate Bowler:Absolutely. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. I mean, I remember thinking, when I wasnt sure, when I was in an especially tough moment of illness, every time I would look at Zachs nails I would think, Is this what wouldve happened if I hadnt been here to do this? Kelly Corrigan speaks with Maya Shankar about identity foreclosure, the trouble of cognitive forecasting, and new beginnings. Kate Bowler:Well I think part of it, and this gets to another phrase that you write about which is I dont know, but you and I, it sounds like, have given up on certainties as a way to cope with that, both having been through cancer, and also I think both realizing that people really dont like it when you say, I dont know.. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. That sounds really right to me. Sadly, our family motto was, Youll pass in a crowd if the crowds big enough. My mothers mother didnt want her to get a swelled head, and she passed that down to us, her four daughters. Inspiring and thought-provoking interviews conducted by author Kelly Corrigan. PRX Series Kelly Corrigan Wonders I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. I mean so far, knock on wood, Im getting to see my kids be much, much older than she got to see her kids be. I think thats cause we were always sort of fighting nearby. Welcome to Kelly Corrigan Wonders, a place for people who like to laugh while they think and find it useful to look closely at ourselves and our weird ways in the hopes that knowing more and feeling more will help us do more and be better. Kelly Corrigan:Dont get crumbs on the baby. Theres a title. Im hearing all the music, Im totally tuned in to the right channel, and then just like that, I slip into those mundane irritants., Kelly Corrigan:And then I catch myself, and then I feel this sense of shame, and he said, Its like this. Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. Thank You for all you do!! Everything Happens : NPR Kate Bowler:Thanks so much for doing this. She died this morning, and I was just sick to my stomach. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. I really appreciate it. Forever? So, I really appreciated the way that you framed the bigness and the smallness of it, because it has to be both. Kate Bowler:Theres this other phrase, I was wrong, that has real power, and you learned that in a really intense way when your grandma died. Those ordinary consonants and vowels that, when strung together, offer meaning and points of entry for others. Despair defies description. I was wrong. Shes not going to their wedding, shes not going to pick out wedding dresses with them. Find me online at @KateCBowler, and Id love to hear what you think of this episode. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, thats where it is. I had to make it into a vest to remove it from my body with the tag still on it, you know? Im so compassionate to that thing that happens every time you tell someone that you had cancer, which is the other person trying to figure out why its not going to happen to them as fast as possible. I was wrong not to try to ease her days in some way.. Kelly Corrigan:So, I get it, but I spend a lot of time with them, and Im madly in love with them, really, really have this deep, incredible connection with them that I just value so much, and they are in her, and you know, theyre everything that was so important to her. What a unique family motto! After a College Applicant Hits 'Send' - The New York Times Kate Bowler:You are someone who has gotten mixed up in all kinds of things, and I am so glad to know you. Weeks later, the missing hamster crawled out from under the stove. A Way to Make Work More Meaningful (The Science of Thanks so much for your refreshing, poignant, thought-provoking podcast. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. He had things to do for days, and days, and days, and eulogies to write, and people to hug, and people to thank, and accounts to close, and cars to sell, and he had work to do, both emotional and just literally logistics. For awhile, Id say shed been robbed, or ripped off. We had several hamsters in one cage, and they can be cannibalistic, and one morning a hamster was missing, and another hamster had a suspiciously large tummy. Thats the word. So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. The idea that we just sort of wander around, consume things until we die, like were just a series of small appetites without any deep, rich, meaningful, satisfying connection. Im so grateful to hear the ways youre connecting with Kate and Kelly. I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. I love you both so much and was tickled to hear you together. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. I was wrong, and that is very soothing, but then that took me back to this moment where I had gone to work for United Way after college, because I was going to save the world, and I was this total do-gooder. Kelly Corrigan:Theyre never going to not do that, and thats how theyre going to raise their kids, and that means shes still here. Michael Lewis sends his thanks to Dr. Arthur White, a former history teacher at Isidore Newman School in New Orleans, Louisiana, for kicking him in class whenever hed fall asleep. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah, and theres forgiveness and acceptance kind of intertwined there that you know, youre going to forget. Thanks very much for all you do. So, I just really went bananas, because on top of the shirt problem, I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, and I found everybodys bowls, and spoons, and cups, and I had that reaction that so many women have, which is, Well I guess Im the least busy. So now if a family member is being difficult or misbehaving, we have established ground rules, So and so is family and we dont sell family! Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. Kelly shares her own "go to" mantra as well as two blessings from frequent Kelly Corrigan Wonders guest Kate Bowler and her co-author/friend/podcast producer Jessica Richie's beautiful and extremely useful book: The Lives We Actually Have (100 Blessings for Imperfect Days). She has been called the voice of her generation and the poet laureate of the ordinary, and she is the most perfect person to talk to to kick us off because her lovely new book is called Tell Me More, and Tell me more is one of those phrases she uses, phrases that she writes about that help guide her through relationships, and parenting, and grief. My mantra for the last decade plus has been show up and be of use. Kate Bowler:I guess Ill see you soon. Kate Bowler:Todays episode is brought to you by our partners, North Carolina Public Radio WUNC, the Lilly Endowment, The Issachar Fund, The John Templeton Foundation, Faith and Leadership: An Online Learning Resource, and Duke Divinity School, and of course, Beverly Abel, Jessica Richie, and Be the Change Revolutions. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly Archives | KQED News I love your style and all your guests are fascinating to listen to with so much insight and knowledge. Kelly Corrigan:But you know, if Im jumping in with my fancy solution two and a half minutes in, I just cut you off, and then we leave each other, and I have this little high like, Ah, I just really helped her, and she walks away thinking, She didnt hear anything I said. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Kareem means generous. Hopefully youve continued to connect with Kate and Kellys books. Can we trust our gut? You cant only experience deep gratitude at the toenails that you seriously wish someone else would have cut, because seriously, whos doing this around here? It is a good reminder for me that I can lean into what its like now because change is always acoming. Kate Bowler:Well, the one that we sort of settled on most was, Dont let the turkeys get you down, cause we were all deeply unpopular children, but it did make me think about mottos, and how it sort of defines the season that we live in. Tell Me More - Kate Bowler I just want to show up and try to be of use. Then cancer hit. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. Forever? Each episode ends with Kellys shortlist of takeaways, appropriate for refrigerator doors, bulletin boards and notes to your children. Kate Bowler:Thanks so much for doing this. Adjust the colors to reduce glare and give your eyes a break. We can remove the first video in the list to add this one. So, its funny that that phrase really begat the whole book in a way, because I had been feeling this shame about not really earning my days here, and then Ed and I were at dinner, and we were talking about the difference between saying Im sorry, and saying I was wrong, and I was saying, God, its so much more powerful though in the humility in saying I was wrong.. Thats like total vanity but, especially with the kids, I definitely think, Edward and I both think, If you let us run this out for you, well get it done like one, two, three, and thats so humiliating, and degrading, and just the opposite of self-esteem building, which is sort of like the ground we walk on as adults. Its a sin, its hell. Now a cognitive scientist and podcaster, Maya grew up immersed in the . Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Maybe you want to borrow one of Kellys like, Its like this, but youre totally welcome to borrow my familys motto: Dont let the turkeys get you down. Its tried and true. You also realized there was incredible parenting magic in the phrase, Tell me more. So, what is this witchcraft you speak of? Its these seemingly trivial moments. In this season of "Tell Me More," listen to one-on-one conversations with musical icons like Jewel and Lang Lang, community leaders like Del Seymour, entertainment heavyweights like Constance Wu and Michael Lewis, scientists like Maya Shankar, and more. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Team Everything Happens, Kate, I love that youre human- that you cry as easily as I do and that you say youre not normal as often as I do (me about myself of course!). Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:You dont always need such a plan, or an agenda, or whatever. Constance Wu and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. What do we do when the labels we're given aren't necessarily the ones we choose for ourselves? Kelly Corrigan:Well you know, sometimes the trivial is tragic. The ambiguity is quite isolating. Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Maybe Wills curious phrase, Its like this, applies here too. Kate Bowler:Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:So, I get it, but I spend a lot of time with them, and Im madly in love with them, really, really have this deep, incredible connection with them that I just value so much, and they are in her, and you know, theyre everything that was so important to her. I rebelled. Mahra:Ive been singing these lines from a song by the Avett Brothers to my kids for years, and it goes like this. So much of what you both say resonates for me. So, I kind of wondered if there was a motto youd pick for you for right now, what would it be? It just ends the tension because what youre saying is, I see it how you see it, and I agree with you. An Evening with Kelly Corrigan EVENT PAGE - Lightways This is the way this has to be, and its right there. This is one of the most moving and important conversations weve ever shared and we thank PBS for supporting this work as well as the Lafayette Library and Learning Center for hosting the shoot. She's a daughter who still mourns the loss of her dad, a mom to her amazing daughters, a wife to her fantastic husband, a sister, a good friend, and a woman trying her best to leave this world a better and a brighter one for future generations. Kelly Corrigan Wonders on Apple Podcasts Tomorrow, March 28, 2023 would have been his 40th birthday. (As consciously lesbian from about four-years old, believe it or not, I preferred handsome to pretty.) My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. Del Seymour and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. I love it that it gives up perfectionism, and it just says, Hey, whats possible today?. Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kelly Corrigan is a New York Times bestselling author whose first children's book, Hello World, is available now. We thought it was pretty great too . Its a very learned thing that I have to insert the words into my mouth, and push them out deliberately, because my instinct is to solve. Kelly Corrigan:Have you ever heard that potted plant theory? In other words, it could happen to you tomorrow.. I was in a big, big rush to get in front of him, and say my apology, and be returned to a state of grace, but the fact is that his mom died. Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Team Everything Happens. Kelly Corrigan:And Im getting to walk with them way longer on their road, and I felt this sense that I could never possibly deserve that, that Im not that great a person, or a mom. Shed do dishes all day and into the night to just get to listen to her children, just to get to watch them through a one-way glass, you know? He is also the father to three great characters, including Dixie, who was killed in a head on collision in May of 2021. Youre giving these beautiful phrases, and each of them feels like a kind of roadmap, and you start with one that really resonated deeply with me. Kelly Corrigan:They hate it. Kelly kicks off a new series on BELIEF, delving into topics like the meaning of life, finding purpose, why faith, service and gratitude matter, and more with Dr. MIchael Murray, former Philosophy Professor and current President & CEO of the Arthur Vining Davis Foundations . So, todays conversation is about developing language to move us forward when life is well, chronic. Kelly Corrigan Wonders: Everything Happens for a - Apple Podcasts Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. Despair defies description. I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. Jennifer Garner tells Kelly Corrigan how she inspires others to find their true passions. Kelly Corrigan Wonders: Michael Murray on the Social Science of Faith I was wrong not to go visit her. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. You wrote this book in a season of incredible loss. Best Kelly Corrigan Show Podcasts (2023) Thank you for adding to the number of not-normal, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat people in the world. Our family motto is, We dont sell family. When our dog was a puppy and being housebroken, he kept sneaking around piddling in the corners of rooms. Labels like chronic illness, or caregiver, or widow, or mom of a kid with special needs. I think we make life a little more interesting! Touching on themes like self-belief, resilience, humility, and justice, this series normalizes the human condition and emphasizes our capacity to grow. Kelly Corrigan:You know, that I had lost his favor for a moment, and I was just so ashamed. At a time when so much feels unex Kelly Corrigan:And then she died, and my dad called, and my dad had nothing but positive things to say to me my entire life, and he said, You should have gone to see your grandmother more. For our weekly dose of wonder, NPR learns about glorious sounds chicken make at a very important moment in their . He had things to do for days, and days, and days, and eulogies to write, and people to hug, and people to thank, and accounts to close, and cars to sell, and he had work to do, both emotional and just literally logistics. Shed do anything. And the potted plant theory, I cant credit it to someone, Im sorry, I dont know who put it out there, but the idea is that if you were to have a plant in your kitchen, you might not be aware of it at all, and then if someone were to remove it, youd say What happened to that plant?. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Kelly Corrigan:Now maybe Im going to go to Durham, and now maybe Im going to get my PhD in Divinity. I end up saying to my therapy clients, to my friends, and to my daughter both Change is hard and the stage-specific version of CIH, Middles are awful. Middles are awful: we have to either find language for an ambiguous state or give up on finding it: hard, sweaty work. I was so mad that I shook the cage a bit, that hamster eating its sibling. Im coming. Minds dont rest. Its so that they can identify some critical difference between you and them that makes them feel like they can exhale again. I mean, that means shes with them. I go, Oh, thank you for that bit of suggestion.. I went to see her one time. Kate Bowler:You are someone who has gotten mixed up in all kinds of things, and I am so glad to know you. Onward, my dears. Kelly Corrigan:The magic of Tell me more is you start telling me what youre upset about, and I fall for the first thing you say, and I start solving for that. Kelly Corrigan:Hey, thanks for having me. Im a questioning Christian (if there is such a thing) since I doubt youd ever see the Son of God appear in any of the beautiful Catholic or mega churches that apparently represent Him. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. And then right on the heels of that, I think, What would Liz do for this?. Thanks for sharing. I was wrong not to try to ease her days in some way.. You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. Kelly Corrigan:And thats the truth. You know, like it wasnt me. Maya Shankar and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. More lessons learned. Claire, I thoroughly enjoyed your podcast and listening to you both. On Sundays, Kelly records a special podcast called, "Thanks for Being Here" where she reads the toasts and tributes that listeners have submitted about those they love. Its the only way to keep the last bit of sanity. Its cancer inflammatory breast cancer, with a twenty percent chance of living to five years. Its a sin, its hell. Jan, You dont have to bring it all. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. It was because I had been selfish, and my dad caught me. And Ive talked to a couple of my girlfriends whove gotten divorced, and they say the exact same thing happens to them. Kate Bowler:I need to hear what your motto is. Kelly Corrigan:Thanks. Kelly Corrigan:I didnt die. Its probably cause of something youve been eating. I mean, that was my big experience of your book. I was healthy, and then I was sick, and now Im feeling pretty good, and even though the language around immunotherapy isnt perfect, I can happily say that I am in remission. Youre giving these beautiful phrases, and each of them feels like a kind of roadmap, and you start with one that really resonated deeply with me. Show Kelly Corrigan Wonders, Ep Kelly's Gratitude List - Nov 25, 2022 You start with, Its like this.. You cant live in that. Kelly Corrigan:My instinct is to fix, cause I feel Im almost sure I can. Ive read Tell Me More twice already. Team Everything Happens. Download. Thats where relationship lives is in these tiny moments, and whether you are cognizant of that and tuned into that channel all the time, or not, that is the story of a relationship. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. Join New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan as she choreographs big-ideas conversations and personal truth-telling with some of the creative thinkers and artists who define our time. Society & Culture English Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. Whos going to do this? So, I was wondering, would you mind reading that beautiful passage you wrote about after Liz died? She was really, really into manners, and as kind of an act of gratitude, not in an uptight, British way, but as a Look at us eating a meal together, like, Nobody should eat before the last person gets down. Kelly Corrigan, Author - Brief but Spectacular | PBS NewsHour Its all this cumulative effect of a thousand minuscule moments. Thats the word. Diane, Okay. So, thats just the question in front of all of us. Weekly dose of wonder: The glorious sounds of chickens : NPR Its probably cause of something youve been eating. Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. I mean, its a little bit like, Just keep saying yes. You know, When in doubt, say Sure, Ill do that, just to see what happens next, just to see who you might meet. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Ill definitely remember this motto and will probably end up using it, if you dont mind . Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. Dont worry, and she said, Well, my problem is I cant zip my dress by myself, so I thought if it was a woman, I could ask her to come in, and zip my dress, and I thought, Thats the tiny moments that are so gut-wrenching for a new widow. In other words, it could happen to you tomorrow.. You talk about not having good language for your current state. The ambiguity is quite isolating. Kate Bowler:Theres this other phrase, I was wrong, that has real power, and you learned that in a really intense way when your grandma died. Kate is a young mother, writer and professor who, at age 35, was suddenly diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. Im like, Yeah, right. Kelly Corrigan:So, I say at the end of this chapter, Shouldnt loss change a person for the better? Kathy and her husband Tony have three children. Thank you for helping me think more deeply about my words; not just the words I speak to others but the words I speak to myself. The successes of independent and feminist Marie Antoinette provoke jealousy and rivalry. Kelly Corrigan:Well you know, its so funny. And then right on the heels of that, I think, What would Liz do for this?. When I read that, I just kept thinking of how scared Ive been about what I call being a zombie. Lives dont last. Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. Like, Im just an ordinary person, and I make all the mistakes that everybody else makes and maybe even 10% more, and then there she was, and what she would have done for the life that I was kind of rushing through, multitasking my way through day, after day, and you know, sort of feeling snappish, and then catching myself, and feeling like I should be different.
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